"do you want some schneeeeeeeeeetzel??!!"

weekend was a full blast!! went to see 3 shows in a row...converge,sonic youth,ted leo.......
friday was converge...went there with our californian visitor R., baby L. was working at the show...(poor baby L., she's not THAT much into hardcore...^^).spent a super time with R., don't know anybody who is so extroverted and communicative...told anyone about his rideshare ride from berlin to WI, with the gay driver who wanted to feed him schnitzels...so the whole evening was like:"do you want some schneeeeeeeetzel?" and "mit-fahr-ge-legen-heit"...a lot of kids had been to the show, so he got to know on one evening the whole scene...even xTx was there...converge was quite okay, but it took me some songs to get into it...liked more the encore... and I hate that stupid singer:"thank you...we've got a few more songs...", so nervy, like ray cappo, or so...total idiot...I like the other guy's voice much more...anyway, good moshing music, timeless...
the bands before sucked or were boring...stupid copies of copies of copies...80 % of the audience sucked, too....well, hardcore shows...they have the same attraction to assholes like a piece of shit towards flies...
after the show, we went to artist's school, over the big river to neighbour town, where was a little party...baby L. knew the dj's and R. was immediatly the epicenter of the whole spot...dude! you rock like hell!...the girls at the party are still talking about you...never seen such an awesome dancing show since I watched the last jim carrey movie...we danced till the morning light and R. was doing his kind of moonwalking squaredance mongo thing and we left heartbroken J. behind us, cause he seemed to have found a better cure than alcohol at this party...
next day R. left for amsterdam and baby L. and I were soooo kaputt from the nite/morning before that we didn't made it to sonic youth until the encors...but that was great and worth going...I like their sound, these hard to tell sounds, which they're fabricating through their amplifiers...simply awesome...
we went to bed like zombies into their graves....
sunday was ted leo...never listened to him that much..just knew about citizen's arrest, chisel and xTx talked about that he played bass at rorschach...show was great...even baby L. liked it...as an encore they did a stiff little fingers cover...great!!!

wrote two exams today and the next one is on thursday, so most of the week is full of learning...weekend gave me a kick and back to life (also that I didn't went to school on friday and saturday was free). I still have big problems with that kind of institution, but the next days and weeks will be filled with learning and tests and exams...also shitty..but after that it's over...wonder if I still can hold contact to M.....maybe it's even easier, because we don't see each other face to face everyday and we're not living in two completly seperated worlds...(we do, but not like this right now...)...it's a funny "friendship" anyway...don't know if I could call it like this...sometimes communication seemes to be very onesided...but maybe from both ways...I tried to stick around at the "Libresso" today and even played some rounds of billard with mr. J. , but I couldn't take it that long there, the bad music is killing me (although I managed that M. was connecting my mp3-player to the stereo...but she didn't play anything...and I was feeling more and more unconfortable in this "juzi"-situation and I took off when the rest of the school appeared for their fucking coffee break and buddy-ism...I'm feeling that I'm not one of them...I'm still out...
she's a nice person and is always treating me well...it's just my kind of "feeling so alienated"- thing that brings the distance from time to time between us...and all the things that are going on there which I'm not in.........I don't know........two worlds....seems there ain't nuthin' to change about it.....

...doing time

I'm feeling like shit...physically and mentally...school gets me down deeper and deeper.sucks so much energy out of me.feeling always so deadly tired and exhausted, hot weather gives me the final blow...I'm feeling more and more alienated of this whole thing and I'm feeling often terribly lonely.got problems at home cause I'm not a very big hand at the household right now...I'm totally sucking, cause I have no time.baby l. gives me shit for this...makes me sad, but I feel she's right.
this prison feeling ... my days are planned...getting up at 5.30...busstop...centralstation...subwaystation...busstop...school...two hours...short break...one hour...coffeebreak (not for me...)...two hours...big break (others are having lunch...go to their rooms...I try to kill this one and a half hour...)...another three hours with a short break in the middle...then: busstop, subway, railwaystation, walking home, 'cause I can't see any public transports anymore...getting home:hell of obligations, before...eating...going to bed...I'm a fucking con doing time.shit!
can't get into the world of the people there...tried to get closer...can't explain...broken communication...feeling like an outsider...no energy to discuss that matter...I'm insecure...I don't get which role I'm playing in this whole game...but games have only winners and losers...and statistics...I can't win in that whole game...I'm feeling lonely...miss so many people...miss so many things...
but on thursday r. from SF is visiting us...and it's my "free" weekend...and we'll go out moshing to converge and sonic youth are going to play on saturday!!!...I'm sooooooooooo much looking forward to that...