...doing time

I'm feeling like shit...physically and mentally...school gets me down deeper and deeper.sucks so much energy out of me.feeling always so deadly tired and exhausted, hot weather gives me the final blow...I'm feeling more and more alienated of this whole thing and I'm feeling often terribly lonely.got problems at home cause I'm not a very big hand at the household right now...I'm totally sucking, cause I have no time.baby l. gives me shit for this...makes me sad, but I feel she's right.
this prison feeling ... my days are planned...getting up at 5.30...busstop...centralstation...subwaystation...busstop...school...two hours...short break...one hour...coffeebreak (not for me...)...two hours...big break (others are having lunch...go to their rooms...I try to kill this one and a half hour...)...another three hours with a short break in the middle...then: busstop, subway, railwaystation, walking home, 'cause I can't see any public transports anymore...getting home:hell of obligations, before...eating...going to bed...I'm a fucking con doing time.shit!
can't get into the world of the people there...tried to get closer...can't explain...broken communication...feeling like an outsider...no energy to discuss that matter...I'm insecure...I don't get which role I'm playing in this whole game...but games have only winners and losers...and statistics...I can't win in that whole game...I'm feeling lonely...miss so many people...miss so many things...
but on thursday r. from SF is visiting us...and it's my "free" weekend...and we'll go out moshing to converge and sonic youth are going to play on saturday!!!...I'm sooooooooooo much looking forward to that...